Looking back over my life now, I am really aware of how much God was beside me.

I was born with a hole in the heart. I couldn’t take 2 steps without passing out, and lived my life till I was 7 with an oxygen tank at my side. I never knew in those early days what it was like to play with other children, for I had to always be be guarded against infections.

I still remember having long talks to God when I went to bed at night. He was my friend and my confidante, way back then.

When I was 9 I witnessed the horrific accident of my mother, she died hours later from her injuries. I thank God now for taking her, as her injuries were so severe that if she had lived she would have been a vegetable. That is not how I would have ever wanted to remember a mother who was such a dynamite person, so full of life and love.

My faith was so strong back then; that the evening of my Mothers death, my Dad came and told me she had died. My words to him, “We will see Mum in heaven Dad” I was not allowed to attend the funeral of my mother for reasons I can only guess at, maybe they thought my health was not strong enough to deal with the traumatic experience.

My father was a stranger on his return. Never could I talk about my mother without my father breaking down uncontrollably. I learned very quickly to hide the pain I was feeling from my mother’s death. It was very difficult, but I remember going to bed and having long talks to God about it all, but still I did not openly grieve my mothers’ death. Through this time my father still continued to meet with the Jehovah Witnesses.<... step Mum came into our life within a year of my mother’s death. All photos of my Mum were removed from the walls then. It was like my Mum had ceased to ever exist.

The matter of the sexual advances still played on my mind and one day I went and told my stepmother what had happened concerning the sexual advances. She immediately told my father, who contacted the Jehovah Witness family and a meeting was held. in their home.

What happened at that meeting would scare any child. I was placed on a chair way over in a corner of the room, an outcast, away from the adults who were there and also the young man concerned. I was questioned for quite a period of time. After the questions I was basically told I was either making it up, or had been dreaming. My father even had doubts.

It was then that I started to break away from God, and even to hate him for what had happened to my life. The loss of my Mother, the loss of my Father, the betrayal of adult friends, and then to be doubted about a serious matter all seemed to much to bear.

... I was 12, I had my second heart operation. This was a major success. Prior to the operation the specialist consulted my father about a blood transfusion. My father told the specialist to give me blood if I needed it. On hearing this the Jehovah Witnesses refused to have anything to do with us, and for me, a child of 12, I lost all faith in Jehovah.

It was after this that my Father decided we should all move to another part of the state, and before we left to go to our new home, I was told by my father that I was never to mention my real Mum. That everyone was to think my step-mum was my one and only Mum. I was devastated, but still I held my grief I left home at 16, I didn’t get on with my step Mum, and my father had turned to gambling and drinking.

... passed, I married, and I had 2 beautiful sons, even though the doctors were aghast that I even became pregnant because of my medical background When my boys were still pre-school years I made a friend in a lovely older lady next door to where we lived. She became a mother and a grandmother.to me and my boys. 2 years later she died peacefully in her sleep. I wept uncontrollably. My tears finally came for the mother I had lost so many years before and for this elderly lady who had given me so much.

Unf... my marriage was not the best, alcohol and violence made me seek counseling. Finally after hanging in a bad marriage I left with my 2 sons.

I met and married a loving man 2 years later and became a Mum to his young son, who was then 2 years old. Hubby and I have been through a lot together, and although God wasn’t really dwelt on, we both saw a need to bring prayer to the evening meal with the children. Last year when Hubby became ill, and on one night in particular when I had followed the ambulance with him in it to hospital was the turning point. After leaving Hubby in hospital I came home around 11.00 at night to an empty home. I couldn’t ring our sons, all grown now, because it was so late. I wept that night, I was so frightened. It was then I realized we needed something in our lives. The next morning I went to the Salvation Army, walked in and just said we need some help. Stephen and Elizabeth were there then and they soon came out to see us.  They prayed with us.

It was at this time that a friend from Hubby’s work played a big part in our life. He would often pop in to see how Hubby was doing. During one of his visits he happened to mention that he had been to church. This set my mind in motion and when one day Dave happened to walk in I started asking him questions. Dave supplied bibles and books and was there to help. It became a standing joke when he walked in, that I would raise my hand, look at him with a silly grin and say “I have a question”, and away we would go with Dave explaining from scripture the answer to my query. This was the start of finding God again. God had always been there, but I was the one who had walked away and he had followed from a distance, ready to catch me if needed, ready to be there at my slightest request. God couldn’t take away my loss of my mother and my father, but he gave me a strong strength to carry on. From a distance God, let me grow. God gave the heart specialist the capabilities and knowledge to repair my heart which all wed me to have a very normal life. God gave me the love of an elderly lady, so I could at last unburden my grief over my mother.

God took me out of a very bad marriage and helped me to meet Hubby. And in Hubby he gave me the love of a man, who helped me to share things from my past. God allowed me to have 3 sons, 2 of my own, which medically I should never have had. and the love of a child not of my own. Yes God blessed me and waited patiently for my return.,

And now God is helping me in many ways, cleansing me of sins, giving me wisdom and knowledge, teaching me love and forgiveness God is also bringing out the child in me, as I praise and worship him. God is teaching me to be me in ways I never thought possible.

I am sorry for my years that my back was turned on my Heavenly Father, but I am ever so thankful he didn’t turn his back on me.

I am a 13 year old kid in this world. I have had a hard childhood you could say. You see when I was only 9 my mother was put into a mental hospital for trying to kill herself because of the pressures of an abusive husband telling her she was stupid and getting up into her face and me and brothers faces.

My dad found out about my mom and he got custody of us kids. I had to move from all of my family in Kansas to Arkansas. I had to start a new school make new friends and miss my family.

Soon after I moved my mother did proceeded to kill herself. That was such a hard time for me. Then I started hanging out with all the wrong people but I was still going to church. I didn't know one major thing I guess, the fact that the bible states you cant two masters for you will hate one, at this time.

So I preceded to hang out with druggies, people who stole, and did witch craft. I started even doing all this stuff, but was still going to church. I was baptised when I was 11, I didn't even know the meaning I guess.

I moved again, I was so stupid I would play truth or dare with older guys and you know what they think. My older brothers friend played one time, he was one of those people who made me feel good we did some bad things together almost had sex even, I'm so glad that God stopped that from happening though.

Not to long after that I went to a new a church and went to church camp. I realized there I didn't need drugs or guys or boos or witchcraft to make me happy. I felt like I was the little kid who was into God again and was recommitted at church camp.

God has blessed me since then, I got rid of my step-family which are still into drugs and stuff, unfortunately. I got to go to Christian school make Christian friends and be able to tell others that God still does miracles, look at me.

I thank God for coming back into my life. I just wanna live for him now. You see even right now I'm living in a family that needs God, I pray for them, but like now I know even if I do live in this kind of broken home with no I love yous or hugs, I know my God takes care of me and he loves me.

Hi my name is Mary Lou. I had a very bad childhood while growing up. I lost my dad when I was born. My mother lived with a man whose name was Joe. When I was six years old I was sexually abused by him and also abused in other ways, such as physically and mentally.  One day, he threw me down the stairs and broke my shoulder bone. Also, another time he hit me over the head with a high heel shoe. I constantly lived in fear for the growing part of my life. 

When I was twelve I started drinking. I started steeling and sleeping with different guys. I hated my mom and step dad for what they did. I started to experiment with different things such as witchcraft, sauagni... ouiji boards, etc. I did love my grandmother though. After she died, a part of me died with her. She was the only person I really felt safe with. 

One day I ran away from home. It was one of the many times I ran away. I was so afraid to be alone in the house, especially when my step dad was there. I was so ashamed. I wanted to tell my mom what he was doing to me, but he said if I ever told her, he would kill me. 

Fi... I had enough courage to tell her and her comment to me was that it was my fault, that I was enticing him. When he burnt both my hands on the stove, she took me to the doctor and the doctor asked how it happened. She said that I was standing on the counter and I fell on to the stove and burnt my hands. These were all lies that she had contrived. When my stepfather hit me over the head with a shoe, I lied in a pool of blood. This terrorized me, I was living in constant fear. Finally as I got older, I signed myself in a foster home. I stayed and lived there till I was 16 or 17 years old. 

How I Overcame It

Well, that's all what I am going to say right now. There is a lot more, so much much more to say. I just wanted to say something about myself that I think others would like to hear. 

As I was growing up, I learned to get through the hurts and pains and the many scares and wounds I've had experienced. I found that the best way to deal with them is to talk to someone about it. Believe me, it wasn't easy thing to do. 

I found out that there was a God and he really did care about the hurts and pains I went through. He was there with me all the time. He was also experiencing everything that I was going through. Today, I am a better person for it. God found me and reach down and pull me out of my misery and sin. He gave me a new life. Now, I am married with three grown children of my own and four of the most beautiful grandchildren who are so precious to me. 

This is my testimony of the Lord's goodness to me, enabling me to go on through hard times. I know if it wasn't for Him I wouldn't have been the joy I do in life.

In Dec. 1992 my wife was arrested for the murder of our nine month old daughter, Natasha, which I was told she was responsible for. The alleged crime was initially treated as S.I.D.S.Our daughter died a year and a half earlier, so I didn't know WHAT to believe.

So in just a period of two weeks I lost my family, our three year old daughter Jennifer was adopted out to my cousin in November then my wife was arrested Dec 7th.

It was a very dark time in my life and I wasn't sure how I was going to go on. I was fired from my job on the day of my wife's arrest in a town with very little future in it.

However, the Lord took care of me.

I found work just about the time my money ran out, and I was able to visit my wife over the years. The Lord has given me many times the grace and sense of humor to keep on through this. I can't pretend it's easy. There are guards at the prison who take great pleasure in causing as much pain as possible in the inmates AND their families who visit...emotional or otherwise. I've had to daily seek Him for forgiveness for my attitude towards them.

One of our friends died of cancer because the guards ignored her pleas to see a doctor. She was in tremendous pain. When her family threatened to sue they relented, but by then her cancer had spread throughout her body, and she died the month of her release from prison. There have been others who died of neglect.

I've learned how very much like us the prison population is, although the darkness in some guards and some inmates can still shock me, after ten years of week-end visits. I have to wonder if given the right set of circumstances I'd allow that much hate or evil to rule my life? Without Christ, would I be any different? Maybe I'd just be a more polite killer? Killing in my heart every single day.

When I was a young girl I was raised in a Christian Science home. Every week my parents sent my younger sister and me to the Christian Science Sunday school. The church was within a short walk from the apartment building where we resided. My parents never attended church services, but they would send us by ourselves each week. 

I consistently asked both of my parents to start accompanying us to church, instead of sending us to Sunday school by ourselves. They finally consented then the four of us starting attending regularly each week. My parents sat upstairs for the Sunday services, while us girls attended Sunday school downstairs. 

After graduation from high school, I started on my two-year associates degree program through a local community college. After classes I worked part time behind the service desk at the YWCA, and this is where I met my future husband. Before we were married he attended the Christian Science Church with me. He was raised in the Methodist Church whereas the teachings of Christian Science were so very foreign to him. My father wanted me to graduate from college, but I dropped out after completing one year, and ended of getting married instead. 

During the period of our engagement I asked a girlfriend who her minister was. We wanted to be married in some church, but didn't have any idea who would perform the marriage ceremony. Christian Science Churches don't have ordained clergy; they only have laity who are elected as first and second readers. 

We contacted this minister by telephone and he asked both of us if we would consent to some marriage counseling sessions with him. Both of us agreed and we met with him each week in his office that he had in his home. He asked both of us if we had a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, and we told him that we didn't. 

After we were married we still attended the Christian Science Church, but not on a regular basis. I wasn't any longer under the jurisdiction of my parents, so my husband and I sporadically attended the Christian Science Sunday services. Four years into our marriage, our son was born. When he was a tiny infant he became very ill and we knew that something was very wrong with him. He was lying in his crib, and he constantly cried and drew his little legs up to his chest in pain.

Since we were both young and inexperienced parents, we decided to call my father on the telephone and perhaps he could give us some wise counsel. My father responded and said that he would call a Christian Science Practitioner for us. Well, my husband nearly hit the roof in anger and he slammed down the telephone. He knew that our baby needed immediate medical attention. 

My husband called the State Police and gave them the description of our car and the license plate number and he told them that he had to quickly rush our baby to the hospital. He didn't want the police to detain us when we had a medical emergency. We arrived at the hospital and the doctor in charge admitted him, and wanted to keep him overnight for observation. We both stayed at the hospital with our son for quite a long time until we were told to go home for the night because there wasn't anything else we could do. Both of us were so very heart broken to have to leave our little son in the hospital over night. 

The following morning we arrived at the hospital and the doctor told us that he would release him so we could take him home with us. He had gastritis which is an inflammation of the stomach lining and if left untreated, could be fatal to an infant. I'm so very grateful that we used good common sense and took our son to the hospital, than to leave him in the hands of a Christian Science Practitioner. <... My husband and I had to come to some decision about rearing our child in some religious faith. We decided to call the minister who performed our marriage ceremony. We talked to him over the telephone and he told us where the church was located and the times of the services. So we attended the Sunday morning service at the Community Church. The pastor and his wife asked us if they could stop by and visit us. We noticed that both of them were very friendly and open to us and they shared with us a lot of information about the church. 

Again we attended Sunday morning services the very next week and the both of us listened attentively to the pastor's sermon. His message was about the love of Christ and he explained the gospel in such simple terms that a small child could even understand. He explained the sacrificial death of the Lord Jesus Christ. And what I had to do was acknowledge that I was a sinner and that Jesus Christ had shed his precious blood on the cross for my sins. All I had to do was to make a rational decision and accept what Jesus Christ had already done for me on the cross. 

The pastor gave an invitation to those who wanted to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord, and asked those people to make a public profession of their faith and to walk forward in the church. The last hymn of the morning service was, "Just as I am without one Plea." I stood there singing the hymn and I felt two hands on my back giving me a little nudge. I turned around to see who was pushing me and no one was behind me, I then turned around and continued to sing the hymn. Again I felt two hands nudging me to go forward and now I know that it was God's Holy Spirit beginning to work in my life. 

I walked forward and made a public profession of my faith, and the pastor's wife accompanied me to a room and she led me in the sinner's prayer. I came to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ in December 1971, when our son was three months old. And my husband saw such a miraculous change in my life when I started to read the bible and apply its truths in my life. that he too came to faith in January 1972. Since coming to faith my life has never been the same. 

Christian Science could never fill the void in my heart the way the Lord Jesus Christ has filled it. Some of the teachings of Christian Science are that we can heal ourselves by denying the reality of sickness. They also teach that sin and death are also unreal. If we don't receive a healing in Christian Science, it's because we haven't applied its teachings correctly and we are to try harder in understanding the teachings of Mary Baker Eddy. 

Christian Science does not heal, because I've never been healed all of the years when I was a practicing Christian Scientist. I have medical problems today that I am learning to deal with, but I'd rather have a spiritual healing in my life than a physical healing. I have the assuredness that when I pass from life unto death I will be in the presence of the Lord. 

We are grateful that the Lord Jesus Christ allowed us to raise our son from infancy in a bible believing church. Today our son is a Soldier in the U. S. Army and serves on active duty. He's also an ordained minister, and his future goal is to become an Army Chaplain one day. 

As a journal-keeper long before "journaling" became a verb, I created a checklist soon after my college graduation. Some of the points had to do with improving my appearance, some with long-range career goals, some with starting a family, some with books I meant to read. I remember three of these goals specifically: "Join Mensa," "Join N.O.W.," "Decide what I believe about God."

A couple of years passed. I was now married, we'd bought a home, I had a job involving my favorite thing -- books -- and I was in leadership in my nominal Protestant church. We took vacations, too, and in the summer of 1976 my husband and I loaded up our Chevy Vega and headed to the South.

We saw Civil War sites, ate grits and hushpuppies, and I believe it was in Murfreesboro, TN that my husband needed a new pair of tennis shoes. Yes, my memory of the trip is rather spotty. But one leg of it would change my life. In the state of Mississippi, we drove through a tiny town whose narrow roads were edged by weed-filled ditches. And in those ditches stood cabin after cabin -- crooked, crumbling sheds with peeling paint and torn screens. A few listless men, youths, kids, sat on sagging porches, watching expressionless as we drove past. I can only wonder what bug-eyed, drop-jawed faces they saw gawking at them. We later learned this town's unemployment rate was 100%.

For months afterward I cried out to God. Why was I born in a land of prosperous farms and vigorous industry? Why did I show talent in almost any field I set my hand to (except sports)? Why was I raised in a middle-class home with a mother who served us in every way and a father who told me, a pre-feminist-era daughter, that I could be anything I

wanted? Why did I have a college education, without so much as the smallest loan to repay? Why had I managed to avoid the if-it-feels-good-d... promiscuity, the "tune in, turn on, drop out" drug experimentation that had snared so many of my generation? Why had I never been a victim of crime or abuse? Why was I healthy? In short, why did I have it so good? I began to feel undeserving, and to give thanks.

Shortly after this trip, if I were to start my family on schedule, I would have to become pregnant. And for the first time, something important failed to just fall into my lap. It didn't happen. I started crying "Why?" again -- and I must admit that "thanks" went by the wayside for a while -- but now I also began to cry "Please." In less than a year, after seldom if ever before addressing God, I had called, "Why?" "Thanks," and "Please." I had never doubted his existence, because it seemed irrational to me that the intricate organization of something as large as the universe and something as small as an atom -- not to mention the human body -- had arisen by chance. It was just too preposterous to think that God was not behind this. And as a mathematics major, I realized that the statistical chances of complex life arising from random chemical reactions were zero. About this same time Jimmy Carter was elected president and I heard the term "born again" for the first time. But I had no idea what this meant and soon forgot it.

Six months after I had intended to conceive I finally did. I truly believe this was God's early demonstration to me that I was not in control. To have a baby in November when you meant to have it in May is to give birth as far away from your planned time as possible. The birth of my first son brought me into a group of young mothers, and here was

where I met my first Christian -- up close and personal. She was a type of person I honestly did not know existed. On the one hand, she was a completely committed Christian. On the other hand, she was utterly normal. Not a fake, not a kook, not holier-than-thou, not living in a bubble, not condemning, not preaching, yet never covering up her faith.

She became my friend. And I began to ask a new question: "God, what is the truth about you?"

The Bible teaches in Matthew 7:7 that if we seek we will find, and David tells his son Solomon in I Chronicles 28:9, "If you seek [the Lord] he will be found by you." God is faithful to his word, and because I had asked it wasn't long before God revealed to me Truth. Truth was a person, and his name was Jesus Christ.

But there was still something missing. I only knew of the Savior. In order to know him personally, I had to learn the truth about someone else: myself. "For all have sinned," says Romans 3:23, "and fall short of the glory of God." Well, logically "all" had to include me. And what was the fate of sinners? "All sinners will be destroyed," says Psalm 37:38. Again, "all" had to include me -- but I'd been given a reprieve. "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners," Paul writes to Timothy. If I went to the cross, repented of my sin, accepted that Jesus had taken the death penalty in my place and asked for his shed blood to cleanse me, I would be saved. This ran far deeper than mental assent,

than knowing about the Savior. In John 6:44 Jesus says, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him." I could not become a Christian just by intellectual exercise, or even religious exercise. So draw me the Father did, on June 2, 1979, while I was at my writing desk rereading the previous day's work. In his sovereign timing the Holy Spirit fell upon me with conviction, and I saw those words, those ideas, that attitude for what they were: sin. Garbage. Idle words. Filthy rags.

Suddenly sick of myself, my ambitions, my pride, and my "wisdom" that wasn't even as wise as God's "foolishness" (I Cor. 1:25), I asked Christ to forgive me, change me, and take over my life. Without him, I would never have any success other than that which the fickle, fleeting world had to offer. I would not realize that I was wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked (Revelation 3:17). Apart from him I could do nothing (John 15:5).

What if I had not become a Christian that day? Although I can't be sure, I believe my circumstantial life might be about the same. Marriage, home, kids, and my professional life which includes writing, editing and teaching. But who would I be today, without Jesus? A feminist, a secular humanist, possibly deceived by a false worldview or doctrine?

Competit... conniving, carping, a believer in fate, all because I thought I was the only one in charge of my life in an impersonal universe? Sarcastic, sardonic, fearful and bitter, because I would have carried unbelief to its logical conclusion, that randomly occurring life in an impersonal universe is really of no importance? I don't want to know who I might have become. And, hallelujah; I've never had to find out.

Belief in God is a matter of faith, but it is not a matter of faith beyond reason. Romans 1 tells us that God has revealed himself so clearly in creation that if we can look around at our world and not believe in him we are without excuse. Many say they do not believe in hell, but consider: God, who not only is the source of all love but is love, sent his son, a full member of the Godhead, to die a horrendous death as our Savior. If there is no hell, there's nothing to be saved from, and there's no need for a Savior. Christ's death then becomes useless, God becomes a monster, and Christianity completely falls apart.

Many say Jesus was a great teacher, not God, but consider: There are many places in the four gospels where he clearly states his divinity. If he's not God, he's either a liar or he's deluded. What kind of great teacher is that? We must decide whether Jesus is God or fraud. There is no middle ground, nor did Jesus, as C.S. Lewis points out, intend to leave that possibility open. Many say they live life only according to what they know, not according to faith, but consider: Those who can look at creation and say there's no God are trusting he doesn't exist. Those who believe the complexity of human, animal, and plant life could have arisen from just the right random collision of molecules just happening to occur over and over again are living by faith. Those who walk across a room and flip a light switch have faith that the light will come on. Everyone lives by faith. The only question you must settle is: In what or whom will you place your faith?

I never got around to joining Mensa or N.O.W., but I did decide what I believe about God. He is the great I AM, Jesus Christ is the fully divine and fully human Messiah of God, and the Holy Spirit is the Comforter who has come down to us, a deposit guaranteeing our future with God. The books of Isaiah, Romans, and Philippians all tell us that one day every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. "Every" means "all," whether they be headed for heaven or hell. If you have not yet bowed to Jesus, the day is coming when you will. Choose him now, while you still have your earthly life and mercy is still extended to you. If you die outside of Christ, you will meet him as judge, and you will bow the knee -- before you go off to eternal destruction.

Why wait?

Repent, receive the forgiveness God longs to extend to you, and come into the family of God. The Bible says angels will rejoice over you, and so will all your new brothers and sisters. We love you. Today is the day of salvation. Come while it is yet today.

She would get in a very depressed state and would take it out on us by physically and mentally abusing us. She would leave us weekends at a time to be with different men leaving us with no food in the house. My older brothers had to go out in the neighborhood and ask for odd jobs. My oldest brother cleaned houses and my second brother mowed lawns or shoveled snow to earn a few bucks to buy milk, bread and eggs for us 3 younger ones while my mom was out partying with her men. Needless to say I began resenting my mom and as I got older our relationship got further apart. By the time I was in high school my mom had a steady boyfriend who was physically abusive towards her. I had to call the police several times but each time she would drop the charges and would let him back in the house. 

My older brothers were moved out and it was just me and little brother and sister left at home so now I was the oldest sibling to have to take care of things. Throughout all of this my major escape was through music. I was always in my room singing along to latest popular songs. My dream was to get out and become a singer myself but my mother always was a discouragement. She always told me that singing was a waste of time and that I would never make it as one. (She was such a loving and supportive mother wasn't she?)

... by my junior year in high school I met someone whom I fell madly in love with and ended up losing my virginity to. (I'll call him Will) Unfortunately Will was the bad boy type and wound up in jail the day after our intimate moment for attempting to rob a convenience store. He ended up in prison for a year. I ended up waiting for him to come out. My mom disapproved of him and our relationship. But she was the last person I wanted to listen to about relationships. When he got out we stayed together and planned on being together forever. ... was time for me to go off to college and I decided to get far away from home as possible. I told Will that he didn't have to wait for me because I knew that long distance relationships never last, as much as it hurt me to leave him. But he refused and said he would be supportive of me and be there for me. We kept in touch the first 2 months but then he suddenly disappeared with no word until a friend of mine told me that he was seeing someone else. 

I was hurt and furious at the same time. So what do I do? I began dating this Frat guy who had been wanting to get with me the whole semester.( I'll call him Ron). Basically I was on the rebound but Ron turned out to be a really caring guy. We got along really well but the thoughts of Will still kept lingering in the corner of my mind. I went home for Christmas break and guess who paid me a little visit? You guessed it, Will!.....To make this part of the story short Will apologized but ended up hurting me again the same way.   I ended pregnant by Ron and found out that Will had 2 daughters by 2 different girls. I was devastated!

... to say I never finished college, Ron ended being a loser dead beat father and Will and I got back together. We ended up living together for about a year and within that year he was a totally different person. He became abusive mentally and physically. I swore I would never let a man hurt me this way because of what I saw my mother go through but here I was accepting all this abuse for the sake of blind love. 

I then found out that I'm pregnant by Will. My son by Ron was a year old at this point. I decided I wanted out of the relationship but Will became furious and held me prisoner there. He said I wasn't going anywhere with his baby in my belly. I finally got the courage to just leave and moved in with my aunt and Will did every thing he could to get me back. I had the baby and seeing him with her just melted my heart and my weakness allowed me to give it one more try. 

Well, like the other times it didn't work out and Will became furious that I finally began showing him that I didn't need him anymore. So what did he do? He beat me and kidnapped my daughter. I called the police and pressed charges for domestic violence and kidnapping. But the police told me since he's the biological father he had rights to her. From that point that was the last time I saw my daughter. 

I took every measure I had to as far as establishing custody and making the kidnapping charges stick. There was a detective on the case who I made sure was working hard to get my daughter back. (I'll call him him Detective Firestone). Detective Firestone and I kept in touch almost everyday because I wanted to make sure he didn't treat this case as any ordinary case. He was very understanding and very supportive. I was determined to get my daughter back. I cried every night wondering how she was doing, whether or not she was eating properly and if Will was taking good care of her. Now mind you I was not a Christian at this time, obviously, but I would cry out for God to help me. Detective Firestone had gotten approval to have a nationwide warrant out for Will's arrest. So where ever he went within the U.S. he was wanted. I had made a call to America's Most Wanted and they were willing to accept my case. They came out and interviewed me and my son. They were very nice and sympathetic.

A... I was showing on the outside that I was being strong about all of this I was totally breaking down inside. The thoughts of not ever seeing my daughter consumed me and I felt so helpless. But like I said, I had to stay strong because I still had my son to take care of. One night I was crying in bed and at this point I was tired of crying myself to sleep, so I decided to watch tv. As soon as I turned the tv on there was Billy Graham. I quickly changed the channel to see what else was on. There was nothing appealing but something told me to turn back to Billy Graham. 

His message was about trials and tribulations. As I listened to his message I felt that he was talking directly to me. At the end he had mentioned that there was only one way out and that was through Jesus Christ. He also said that if we give all our burdens to the Lord he would take care of it for as long as we have faith and live for Him. In closing he asked if there was anyone who wanted to open their hearts up for Jesus and allow Him to take care of them to just simply repeat the sinners prayer. 

Well, I felt this may be what I needed. So, I repeated the sinners prayer with every feeling in my body and my arms lifted up in the air. Afterwards, I instantly felt a feeling of relief. I felt all burdens lifted off of me and I began to cry hysterically. It wasn't a cry of depression this time. It was a cry of joy because I knew in my heart that I was going to be ok! 

The next day I felt like a whole new person and saw everything in a positive light. 

The next week on Thursday I was waiting for Saturday to arrive because that was the day America's Most Wanted was going to show my segment on the show. I was so excited. I was thinking, "Boy, is Will in for a great surprise!" But no one was more surprised than I was when I received a phone call that Thursday night from the California police dept. calling me to tell me that they have recovered my daughter. Talk about a state of Shock! I began to cry "Thank you Lord! Thank you sooo much!". I called Detective Firestone to share my joy. I called the interviewer from America's Most Wanted. They were all so happy for me.

I flew to California that night to get my daughter. It had been 10 months since I've seen her. She was big and beautiful! 

The great thing was that I got her just in time to celebrate her 2nd b-day. I threw her a big party and invited all my family and friends even Detective Firestone who I ended up marrying a year later. He's such an awesome man and a great father to my kids. Will is serving 6 yrs. in the Pen. My husband and I have found a dynamic non-denomination church that we are very involved with. I am one of the soloist in the choir. 

Remember when I said that singing was my dream? Well, I found my purpose in life and that's serving God through the music ministry. Many doors of opportunities are opening up for me as far as many Christian organizations requesting that I sing for them at certain Christian events. I'm also on the verge of cutting a Christian CD. If it's His will, it will be done. I am truly blessed! My life has been going up-hill from the moment I accepted Christ into my life. Of course Satan is there to try and throw monkey wrenches into my life, but having love and strength in the Lord there's nothing I can't overcome. I now know my purpose here on earth and I'm running with it. I live for Him and He brings many Blessings. If you read this whole thing, thank you for allowing me to write this.

Have a Jesus filled day!!! May the Lord shower you with many blessings!

I've always been found solace in stories like that of Paul. He started out hating Christians... hunting them down and persecuting them... yet even he couldn't resist God's call. God used a terrible sinner like Saul (who would later be known as Paul) to ultimately become one of God's greatest evangelists! It always gives me comfort to think of stories like Paul's, because they're proof that no matter how great our sins, God is quick to forgive those who seek His forgiveness, through His Son, Jesus. God could've chosen any one of a million people to spread His Gospel, but he chose Saul to show us that His love is available to any one of us, regardless of our past sins. I didn't hunt down Christians, but the first half of my life was about as far from God's will as one can get.

I guess it really all went downhill when I was about 15. I wish I could blame it on a bad upbringing, or a troubled childhood, but I can't. I was raised by two loving grandparents with old-fashioned values. My grandfather was a former minister, as was my grandmother's father... so I was raised in a decent environment, and taught to love God from the time I could speak. However, somewhere along the line things went south in a big way. It started when I went to visit my mother in Boston. I hadn't seen her since I was a baby, and the thought of finally escaping from a small-town and living in a big-city appealed greatly to me. So I packed up and moved to Boston, unsure of how long I'd stay. I figured I'd play it by ear.

Well, it took about a day for the culture-shock to hit me. My mother grew marijuana in the window sill of her bedroom. She drank heavily. She was an ultra-liberal. Quite a change from the conservative Christian grandparents I'd been raised by. I quickly adapted though. Within a month, I was hanging around the wilder crowd at school, listening to "The Doors" and "Pink Floyd", and getting my ear pierced with a safetypin. I became involved with a girl I met in school, and was soon experimenting with LSD and hanging out with a rock band. It was like a whirlwind; everything happened so fast I'm not sure I can even explain how I got pulled into such a radically different lifestyle so quickly. I grew my hair out in an attempt to emulate my new hero, Jim Morrison. I began drinking vodka, and experimenting with drugs. My visit to Boston culminated with a bizarre night in which I stole a collection of antique jewelry, dove into a swimming pool fully clothed, and nearly broke my hand punching a tree, all while on LSD. I then skipped town, selling the jewelry at various pawn shops as I traveled back home to my small town.

Even on the bus-ride home, I managed to find trouble. I met a girl at a bus station in Philadelphia, and ended up convincing her to run away from home, and travel the remaining distance across the country with me.

Unfortun... the trouble didn't end when I returned home. Over the next 3 years, I managed to get thrown into a rehabilitation center for fighting with a cop, got arrested 3 times, and attempted suicide. I found myself in many ugly situations during those years, like the time a guy tried to drive off with my girlfriend and I pulled a gun on him and forced him out of the car. I also returned to Boston three times. Once I was even threatened at knifepoint in the so-called "Combat Zone" after I'd tried to buy some drugs from a guy in the projects.