I was born into a pagan household in which my father was a devout Buddhist and my mother was agnostic. Everywhere you looked in my house, you would see idols and statues dedicated to a god or goddess that would bring us "peace" and "prosperity". Not knowing much of anything back then, I just bowed down to them as well, and asked them to bless my life.
I wish I could say that my childhood could have been easier, but that was not the case. Between the ages of 6 to 13, I was subjected to physical, emotional and sexual abuse from someone I knew very well. Because these are obviously, important and formative years in a development of a person, it left me an emotionless, scarred shell for a long time, with little desire to go on with life.
Growing up and being told by this evil person that I was "worthless" and countless other names that I would rather not try to remember was devastating to say the least. Being young, scared and weak and not having the will or the means to fight back was even worse, and even today there are some traces of this "scared little boy" in me.
Because of my father's business, we had to move out to another part of our state which was not as racially mixed as the one I had grown up in (I am a minority in this country). This inevitably led to constant teasing and endless racial discrimination at the hands of mean Middle School boys whom Satan used to destroy me. With the issues I mentioned above, having to deal with hating my racial identity was too much, and I wanted to kill myself more than anything. It got so bad that my parents had to go to the principal's office numerous times to take me out of classes because I could not take the taunting anymore. I remember going home, locking myself in my bedroom and crying. Saying things, like "God, if You really exist, than I don't want any part of knowing You." Alone and hating myself after going thru 3 years of racial strife, my mother had an idea....
There was a Military Academy that was not too far from our home, and was taking new applicants (this is a high school). With my mother's consent, I decided to transfer, just to get out of the "living hell" that I was in during my public school years. Anything was better than what I was going thru, and I became very interested in a lot of aspects about the Academy. Because it was also a Catholic school, I had to take religious training and also had to attend Mass. Watching the other cadets recite things like "Our Father, Who are in Heaven..." and other similar creeds made me very interested in who this Jesus Christ was that they kept referring to.
It took a couple of years of soul searching, but I finally told myself that I was going to read the Bible, and I did. Needless to say, I was falling in love with the stories of David and Jonathan, of Joseph and his brothers, and of course of Jesus. Because I was also learning about the Catholic faith, I had asked someone in leadership in my local parish to sponsor me, so that I could be baptized and confirmed by the Church. He took me under his wing for 3 months and taught me about what he knew about God and how the Catholic Church operates.
When the day came for me to be both baptized and confirmed, I was excited. The Mass lasted only 40 minutes and then it was done. I was now a REAL Catholic! However, on the way out of the church, I kept staring at a woman had just lit a candle in front of a picture of the Virgin Mary, and began to kneel and pray to it. Because I was now reading the Bible on my own, I immediately began to have some doubts of whether this was appropriate or not to do. Was it idol worship she was doing? Are we supposed to bow down to images? Why is she worshipping Mary, when the Bible says to worship God alone? On the day that I was supposed to enjoy being a true Catholic, why were these thoughts in my head now?
As I was about to enter college, I had still been reading the Bible religiously everyday trying to learn more. I was excited as one of my friends from my Academy was going to room with me for our freshman year, but he canceled out at the last minute to go to another college. I was depressed about this, and was afraid that I was going to be "alone" again. So wouldn't you know it, God provided a devout, Evangelical Christian to be my roommate instead....
My roommate told me about InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and how his family had been involved with that college ministry for years, and brought me to their first meeting of year at our campus. Immediately I began to feel like I was in the midst of family. I remember the staff worker of the fellowship giving me a copy of the NIV Bible, and I was just happy to ask really tough questions to them like - "Who created God?" - and they patiently attempted to answer them. On the first Sunday of my college life, my new friends brought me to an Evangelical Christian church and during the song, "As the Deer", I began to cry, and I realized that day that Jesus wanted me, and I confessed that I wanted Him as well and truly became saved that day!
Thru His Grace, I grew very quickly in the Lord, and enjoyed fellowship with other believers. I was re-baptized in Christ's name as I now knew Who He was and is in my life. However my heart still had scars from years past, and by His mercy, I began to deal with those issues, one at a time. It was so hard to confess what had happened to me, but God provided a men's group that loved Him, and I was able to gain wisdom from their counsel. I ended up confronting the person who abused me so miserably a few years back, and even though that person was unrepentant about what happened, I was nearing freedom, because I had learned to forgive, as Christ commanded.
I've learned a lot in my life a Christian. That no matter how bad it seems that I've screwed up or had circumstances come against me, it is still plan A in God's eyes, and never plan B. His will for my life never changes, and I know that He will "restore the years that the locusts have eaten away" (Joel 2:25), when I am in heaven at the Restoration of all things. In times of trouble and pain, I have learned to preach the Gospel to myself and to learn that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what truly matters, and that nothing else satisfies except the love of the Lord.
My name is Phillip. I live in Texas and have been a Christian since August 1995. I have read a few of the stories on the web page about others being saved and other experiences. I think my experience may be of help and comfort to Christians who face this same type of problem I had. everything here is true.
I am deaf and live by myself. My health problems have prevented me from being able to have many contacts with people. I never told anyone about this until this week. The psychiatrists I was seeing have no idea that this happened to me.
Something wondrous, strange, and frightening has been happening with my life the past four years or so. I am 43 years old and have been diabetic since I was in the 6th grade. I am also deaf in both ears with the use of a hearing aid in my right ear. After 27 years of diabetes my kidney failed and I got a transplant about two years after that. Thanks to the Lord, this transplant has been working wonderfully now for almost seven years.
Six years ago I moved to Austin, Texas to try and get a degree. In the fall and winter of 1997 I began to hear voices and to see things. this started about mid-November when I drove home to my parent's to spend the holiday with them. They lived about four and a half hours from Austin. I almost wrecked a few times as I drove there. This was the beginning of my battle with the Devil Himself and his demons.
After the holiday I went back to school and was barely able to finish the semester. At this point, they started to Demonize me terribly. I sat in my apartment for days, fighting this intrusion. God allowed me to continue to take my shots and eat my meals.
During this time I did preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the whole of the demonic world, by the Grace and Power of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Afterward, I was continuously attacked and bombarded by demons. This included, but was not limited to, voices in my mind, visions of Hell and other places, and a continuous degradation in my health.
After what I think was several days, I tried to pack up and drive to my parent's for Christmas. I was not able to do this and was barely able to drive back to my apartment. I again was attacked for, I think, a day or so. My sister-in-law came over and knocked on my doors and windows and by the Grace of God I heard her and let her in. She told me they, my family, had been trying to contact me for days. We got me packed up and she started to drive me to meet my parents. However, I began to go in and out of consciousness - except that I was able to know what was happening around me.
She took me to the hospital and they started to do treat me as if I had cardiac arrest. I vividly remember what they did. They started to strip me and set me up for IV's and then used the cardiac arrest machine to try and restart my heart. They tried for several minutes and then the doctor used his penlight to shine into my eyes. The next thing they did was to stop all activity and walk away. After a time, I was able to get up and reach my sister-in-law. We left and went on to meet my parents. They took me straight to the hospital. I think I was at Hermann Hospital in Houston, Texas for about a week or maybe two. The doctor's there eventually took out my gall bladder because they could not find anything else wrong with me, physically.
While I was there in the hospital I continued to have visions, dreams, and perhaps hallucinations. All of this was related in that the Devil and his angels would not leave me alone. I don't have many memories of the doctor's and nurses, but I "woke" up with my hands tied to the bed rails. I have many memories of what the Devil Himself and his angels did.
My parent's took me their house, about two hours north east of Houston. My demonization did not slow down nor stop. At my parent's house I had many weird things happen to me. At one point I escaped from the house at night and went walking around for hours. It was very cold and rainy that night. I remember walking around for hours with voices and what felt like touches. My step-father made me come home with him early in the morning.
The next morning I asked my parent's to help me get medical help. I asked them to find a Psychiatrist who was a Christian. All of this happened in the last few weeks of December and perhaps into January. After being interviewed by a psychologist and psychiatrist, the doctor admitted me to his hospital.
Many things happened during my stay there, more than I can tell here. He kept me there for, I think, two weeks. I can only remember most of one of them. The doctor stated me on some medicine and sent me home to my parents. This began a four year period of medication and doctor visits, for medication review.
During this time, I convinced the doctor to take me off the Zyprexa I had been on. This is a fairly new psychotropic medication. After a few weeks of no medication I began to feel much better. Only, I was again attacked by the Devil and his minions. He even convinced me to lay down and just let nature take it's course and let my self die. Thank God, He would not allow that to happen.
So, I called my parents and they again took me to Hermann Hospital. This time, they did not find anything wrong with me. I was just unable to do anything other than lay in bed or sleep. After a week of this, they got the Psychiatric doctors to look at me. After several days they recommended a doctor for me to see and told me where I should go. However, I had no money or any kind of I.D. with me and refused to leave the hospital. They eventually sent me by cab to the new doctor's hospital. I spent a week there and they let go home. This time they put me on Seroquel. That was last year sometime.
A little after Thanksgiving this year, I "woke up". I have no other way of explaining what happened. It was as if I had been asleep the previous four years. In the past month, there have been miracles in my life. The Holy Spirit is fully with me, my diabetes is improving very quickly, my eye sight is improving almost daily- even to the extent I may be able to drive at night for the first time in about ten years (I would like to be able to go to Sunday Bible Study and Wednesday Night Bible Study), I have lost about ten pounds of the eighty I put on while on the psychiatric medication ( I am still taking it until the doctor takes me off), and most of all - I have been able to fight the Devil and his hordes.
I can hear them talking all the time and it doesn't cause any problems. I believe the Holy Spirit is doing this so I can gain and overcome them. They are trying very hard to retain their grip on my mind. They are DEFINITELY losing and they know it. I believe it will not be long until they either leave of their own accord or are forced to leave by my standing in faith in Jesus.
Thank God for our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ! I wanted to share my story so others can see the Victory and Power of our Lord. The Bible says,"Stand against the Devil and he will flee!". This is true but many people may not realize it may take a long time to attain victory. God has helped me to grow in Christ and become a better Christian through this time of testing.
Thank you for listening to my story.
In Christ's Love, Phillip
|Paul and Pat||To the average person, the name "Jehovah's Witnesses" brings to mind a
group of neatly dressed people going from door to door in the neighborhood,
selling the Watchtower magazine, or perhaps a book.
However, when I think of Jehovah's Witnesses, I recall a lifetime of bondage to a cult which I served for the first 28 years of my life. My grandfather became a part of the Watchtower Society in the early 1900s. My father is an elder at his local Kingdom Hall.
I was taught that Jehovah's Witnesses were the only true religion. It is a religion governed from Watchtower headquarters in Brooklyn , N.Y. The controlling council or governing body is comprised of a handful of elderly men who control the lives of over four million people. Jehovah's Witnesses are taught that everything written by Watchtower leaders is from God Himself and is never to be questioned. They believe that the governing body receives what they call, "new light" from angelic beings which explain their unique Bible teachings. This "angelic" information, is passed on to the rank and file in printed form through Watchtower materials. They believe the Watchtower organization is the sole agency on the earth God is using. So, according to their beliefs, apart from the Watchtower organization, people have no hope. Jehovah's Witnesses believe they alone have what they call "the truth." They also believe they alone are the only true Christians, which means, they alone will be saved. All others are considered part of " Babylon the Great-the world empire of false religion." All church members and others will be slaughtered by Jehovah God at the battle of Armageddon.
I began full-time Watchtower service in 1971 after dropping out of High School with the encouragement of Watchtower leaders. They had predicted the end of the world to occur in 1975. During this era, thousands of Jehovah's Witnesses cashed in insurance policies, abandoned careers, and sold their possessions to spend the "short time remaining" in the ministry work before the end of the world.
As a missionary worker or "Pioneer," I went from door to door trying to convince people that they must become Jehovah's Witnesses to please God and perhaps receive salvation.
I use the word "perhaps" because all Jehovah's Witnesses are not sure of their salvation. The Watchtower's way of salvation is based upon works, rather than the saving grace of Jesus Christ, which through faith we freely receive.
This works system of selling Watchtower books from door to door and other deeds, puts the individual Jehovah's Witness in a position to be saved if he is faithful to the organization and does all he is told to. Faithfulness to the organization also involves adhering to a host of rules and regulations, which Watchtower elders enforce with great zeal.
Violation of any rules as set forth by the Watchtower Society's governing body could result in punishment and restrictions, depending upon the offense. Elders have the power to take away salvation, restrict prayer life, to interrupt family communication or anything they deem necessary will bring a wayward Witness to repentance.
Each Jehovah's Witness must fill out monthly reports recording time spent in their proselytizing work to the elders. Elders put the information into a personal file. There are files kept on each member of the congregation. Secret files are also kept which also contain sensitive information regarding any major sins or infractions of rules and personal habits of individuals. These secret files related to a Witness' private life are transferred to master files at the New York City headquarters. These files are never destroyed.
Since I had been living in this system all my life, I knew what was expected of me. I had to follow the rules and laws to gain salvation. I had been going from door to door since I was a small child, so I adapted to full-time service easily.
I continued such service for a number of years, but with little satisfaction. The burden of keeping up with the monthly quotas of 100 hours of time, as well as sales of a minimum of 100 magazines and 40 books, started to discourage me. All of this work is voluntary and there are no salaries paid. Witnesses must find employment that will support this work.
In 1973, I was invited to go to the World Headquarters in Brooklyn to be part of the vast staff of workers who produce the literature. In a personal letter from the president of The Watchtower Society, Nathan H. Knorr, he stated: "Additionally, you are going to get a wonderful four-year advanced theocratic training which is far better than any secular education you can get."
With much anticipation I boarded a plane for New York City. While on the plane I recalled all my friends' envy, in that I was going to be living with the governing body members, and how grand it would be to be at the hub of all the activity of the work around the world. My friends gave me going-away parties and gifts, commending my proud parents on raising me in the organization so well that they could see their son go to such a place.
Soon after arriving in New York, the illusion wore off as I was assigned to work in the factory. Hard labor and learning the ways of the organization from the inside out was the "education" I obtained at Watchtower headquarters.
Space does not permit details of what I experienced while spending long hours working in the book bindery. There I operated equipment for "God's organization." I recall the mental stress of a profusion of rules and regulations. The master plan of the Watchtower leaders controlled where we went, what we did, and how we did it.
After spending three years at headquarters, with no money to start out in the world (our pay was $14.00 (U.S.) per month), I learned the harsh reality of trying to make a living with no training or skills. Jehovah's Witnesses are strongly discouraged from attending college.
I married a good Jehovah's Witness girl, and we set out together trying to please God the best way we knew how. That is, we were good Jehovah's Witnesses and followed all the rules and laws. My wife had been a missionary for eight years. She had been sent to different parts of the United States in her work, under the direction of the Watchtower Society.
After I returned home with a fairly "clean file" from the New York office, the local elders were using me quite extensively in teaching from the platform. Most Jehovah's Witnesses agree that anyone who has spent any time at headquarters is special and worthy of greater responsibilities in the local congregation.
As I gained status in the congregation, I was being exposed to and trained in some of the undercover work of the local elders. It was exciting slinking around in the darkness, spying on members of the congregation who were suspected of wrongdoing. I also was given access to the congregation files, which revealed the inside information of all in the congregation. I was being used in the same kind of covert operations I had seen control the workers at headquarters.
Through all this I could not receive any satisfaction and peace. The pressure of trying to serve a God who is vengeful and full of wrath is more than I can describe. The organization always painted a picture of Jehovah as a God ready to "pour out vengeance." All I knew of God was what I read in the Watchtower. Yes, we did read the Bible, but were told that if we did so apart from the Watchtower books to interpret it, we were destined to fall into apostasy and ultimately be destroyed by God.
A friend introduced me to a book that was written by a former Jehovah's Witness called "Thirty Years a Watchtower Slave." I knew that my duty as a good Witness was to turn in my friend to the elders, for we were forbidden to read any anti-Witness material.
But in defiance, I read the book. It disturbed me greatly, for the author was a former worker at headquarters, and I could relate to many of the things he was saying. Many things that I had tried to erase from my memory were surfacing again, and questions of the Watchtower's authority left me very unsettled. The author mentioned that he had found the truth by studying the Bible apart from Watchtower publications.
All this time I believe God was leading us to study His Word alone apart from books. Even though we had our own New World Translation of the Bible (translated by the Watchtower Society and refuted by Hebrew and Greek scholars as being a biased, twisted version of the Bible), we bought a New American Standard Bible.
My wife and I secretly studied our new Bible long hours into the night, discovering that many of the major doctrines that we had been willing to die for were false. I confronted my father about some of these issues. Being an elder, my father saw that I was questioning some of their main teachings, and he reported my wife and I to the elders, to stand trial for apostasy.
After a lengthy, tearful hearing, we repented of doubting the Watchtower Society and were allowed to remain as Jehovah's Witnesses, but I was stripped of all my responsibilities in the congregation. I was to be watched for a period of time before serving in any capacity in the congregation again. All this information was noted on our files.
A job transfer to another town was a welcome relief. We looked forward to entering another congregation and getting a fresh start. But soon the disappointment came when we remembered that the details of our trial was in our files and would follow us wherever we went for the rest of our lives!
Of course, the elders in the new congregation had our files soon after we started to attend the meetings. They told us they would be watching us for a while to see if these apostate ideas of ours would resurface. They warned us they would excommunicate us if we tried to share such ideas with anyone in the congregation. We vowed loyalty to the organization, and said we would not read or speak about anything that would be different from the Watchtower's position on Scripture.
Two years passed. Being under the elders' scrutiny left us very empty. Nothing, not even our children who had brought us so much joy, made our lives fulfilling. We had a need for something, but what it was we did not know. We would drink to excess often, searching for some kind of joy, but only emptiness resulted.
Having two boys, we longed for a girl to be born and hoped that having a little girl would complete the happiness missing from our family. On Aug. 10, 1980 , Jenny Leigh Blizard was born. We were so excited but tragedy struck. At five weeks old, Jenny received a small cut on a finger which would not stop bleeding. Local doctors found that Jenny's blood simply would not clot..
They sent us to San Antonio , Texas, for treatment of Jenny's condition. She was admitted to Santa Rosa Medical Center's special care nursery, looking for the treatment that would make Jenny well. Doctors spent days trying to reach a diagnosis.
Finally, a team of doctors informed us that Jenny needed an emergency blood transfusion to save her life. This was a difficult problem for us because Watchtower law does not permit any Jehovah's Witness to take blood in any form. Jehovah's Witnesses carry cards stating that under no circumstances will they take a blood transfusion, even if it means death.
We sent the doctors out of the room and told them that we would give them our answer soon. My wife and I prayed and cried out to God for answers. I remember thinking; "Oh Jehovah, how can you ask me to make such a decision - a yes or no whether Jenny lives or dies! What kind of God are you!" Finally my wife and I called the doctors back into the room, and we informed them that we had to obey God's law and we would have to let Jenny die.
The hospital officials contacted the Texas Child Welfare Dept. and a suit was filed against us for child abuse and neglect. A court order was issued to ensure that Jenny would receive the blood she needed to save her life. The Sheriff's Department of Bexar County issued us citations and warned the hospital staff not to allow us to remove Jenny from the hospital. They knew full well that Jehovah's Witnesses have a long history of sneaking patients out of hospitals to avoid blood transfusions at all costs.
My wife and I were secretly relieved that Jenny would get the care she needed to save her life. We felt we had done all we could in trying to stop them from giving her the blood. We never thought the courts would intervene.
Reporters of two San Antonio newspapers, "The San Antonio Express/News" and "The San Antonio Light," learned about Jenny and exposed the story, though we refused to talk to the reporters. In retrospect, I commend their work.
In the meantime, friends contacted the local elders, who promptly came to visit us. They were relieved to find out that there was still time to plan a way to kidnap Jenny out of the hospital before blood could be administered.
I explained to them that the matter was out of my hands and that I was under court order not to remove Jenny. That did not matter to them. Their main concern was to get her out.
I knew that Jenny would shortly die if I removed her from the machines that were keeping her alive, and I would be charged with murder. I explained this to the elders. They replied, "That's the chance you have to take! You cannot allow them to give your child blood!"
Without further discussion, I asked them to leave, stating that we could not allow our child to die in this way. "If this is the God I serve, I am through with Him."
The elders left the hospital angry that we would not submit to their demands "I hope," one elder even said, "she gets hepatitis from that blood, just to prove that it's bad!"
When we finally returned home with Jenny, the Witnesses had received word that even though we had protested the blood transfusion, We "allowed" her to take it. This made us outcasts in their eyes. They did not excommunicate us because their law calling for expulsion would have applied only if we had freely given permission for the transfusion.
This is when we feel God stepped in. Local Christians came to our home and helped us out with food and helpful aid. The living testimony of these people affected my wife and I so much that we decided to start again studying the Bible.
Those months of intense secret study of the Bible led us to conclude we had lived a lie. We had been in bondage to a system of interpretation of scripture which squelched any free thinking. On the issues and doctrinal points that I had so much trouble, the Bible was clear. I read the whole Bible in context, without the aid of books or magazines to instruct us.
The result of this study was that we found all we needed for Salvation was faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We also found that He is a God of love.
One night, my wife and I held hands and gave our lives to the Lord Jesus Christ. Suddenly, we felt a release in our spirit, a release that brought freedom, liberty, and salvation. We were, as Jesus said: "born again." I had never had a feeling like it in all the thousands of hours I had spent striving to please God as a good Jehovah's Witness. We knew that we were changed. We were a "new creation." As the Apostle John said: "These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God." (I John 5:13)
Of course, we were promptly disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witness religion. Under the rules of our excommunication, we cannot have contact with any of our family and life long friends in the organization. Our own parents and family members will not be allowed to go to our funerals. According to the Watchtower law, we are to be regarded as dead. Any Witnesses caught talking to us are subject to judicial action, including disfellowshipping.
In conclusion, I must say that we are not dead, but very much alive. Yes, we are dead to a former way of life, but alive in Jesus Christ, full of the Holy Spirit and power, saved by the blood of the Lamb!
In conclusion Jenny's condition was more serious than what a blood transfusion could permanently correct. The transfusions given to her as an infant did prolong her life, but on March 3, 1987 , our six- year-old Jenny went home to be with the Lord.
On Jenny's memorial stone it is inscribed: "God's special messenger." We believe she truly was. Through her illness and brief life, we came to recognize the deception of the Watchtower Society, profess and receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and share this redemptive knowledge with Jehovah's Witnesses around the world.
In addition, during the final 39 days of Jenny's life, in Dallas' Children's Medical Center, My wife and I spent much of our time praying and testifying for Christ with families of other serious and terminally ill children at the hospital.
Finally, some details of Jenny's funeral attest to the evil nature of the Watchtower Society and the control it holds over its members. At Jenny's funeral, the first four pews were reserved for family members. The remaining rows of pews were open to church family and local townspeople. The latter were packed. People from all over came to share in the grief of the loss of this small child. However, the pews set aside for Jenny's family were occupied by only four people -- Myself, my wife Pat, and Jenny's two brothers. No other family members attended the funeral. They were ordered not to by Watchtower leaders. The callousness shown by the Watchtower Society in forbidding relatives from attending the service is deplorable. However, our prayer is through our testimony those caught in religious bondage will wake up to the freedom found only in the person of Jesus Christ.